How to Cure Depression

Editor’s note: The work is a piece of satire showing how Western countries are practically lazy dealing with depression as a serious mental issue. If you have a serious case of major depression or suicidal thoughts please get real professional help.

In the United States: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
In the United Kingdom: Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

For actual real advice: http://www.wingofmadness.com/ and (British-centric but contains plenty of USEFUL advice more specifically: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/social_factors/how_to_get_a_social_life) http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/depression

Depression, while a serious medical disease can be easily curable. However it is a difficult to deal with if you don’t have a large real life support network or in a position of power or wealth so. Many people dealing with depression are of any of the above, so here are some simple steps for fighting depression.

1. Man up and DEAL WITH IT.
Remember the time you were verbally bullied by thugs at school. You report it to the school principal, and he says why not just ignore it and it will go away. The same advice applies: Just ignore it. It will go away eventually.

The incident that occurred, pretend it never occurred, and any results of it (your depression), it does not exist and the incident that caused it did not happen. Just put up with it. If you keep doing those same things, your depression will eventually go away. That’s how you man up: by ignoring the bullshit you go through daily. Remember it’s all in your head.

If people suddenly “care” about your problem, try to play dumb.

2. Don’t tell your friends or family.
Your family will most likely not give a shit, or will tell you you’re lying or that depression is bullshit or nonsense. What about your friends: You’ll lose whatever friends you have, as they think you’re crazy. It’s best not to tell them anything. Besides you need to support your friends and family even if you don’t feel like it. Even if you tell your friends, they will not relate to you. Or understand your pain.

3. Expect to be on your own.
If you do tell your friends or family, they’ll mostly like not support you. They’ll give you shitty advice. They’ll say the support you but they’re lazy and often times forget about you. These people got better lives than you do and they don’t want to waste time enjoying by seeing what the bad side of real life is. Besides aren’t you supposed to be manning up?

4. Do something that goes against your moral or ethical code.
The best way to cure your depression is to do something that goes against your moral or ethical code. Why not smoke a little weed? Why not go to a club and drink alcohol. Gamble your money away at a gambling club. Have sex with a prostitute. You might get a STD or get busted by law enforcement or lose all your money, but will forget the pain you have.

5. Eat more, sleep more, and exercise more.
Eating, sleeping are the two most things depressed people do when they are in this moment. Why not do more even more of both. In addition, exercise can get rid of the weight you gain from it. Oh, pretending to be optimistic works well, so smiling more helps as well.

6. Don’t go to therapists and pharmacists
Therapists won’t get to the root cause of the problem and will give you feel good talk therapy crap. They’ll often times they will push drugs that will give you side effects and all that shit. It won’t deal with the main issue of what cause your depression. Especially don’t refer yourself to a mental health clinic, they’ll won’t deal with the root cause of your issue.

7. If the following doesn’t work: Learn to enjoy being miserable.
You are expected to suffer until the very end. When the very end comes: is when you die naturally or when you commit suicide without telling anyone. Because no one truly cares about your problems unless you are a corpse. You are expected to suffer so that the more healthy and sane live their lives to the fullest.

Ndee "Jkid" Okeh (YSJkid@gmail.com)

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